1. |
Carrion
04:47
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There's a swarm of vultures flying overhead and I'm trying not to let them know that I'm almost dead.
Swooping down, grabbing meat off my back, flesh from my shoulder, a piece from my neck.
There's a sea in my head and I'm floating. A peaceful serenity without the burden of caring.
There is a sea.
I wake up and scream as my bones are picked clean.
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2. |
Atlas
04:48
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Don't be alarmed, but I am pretty sure that I'm dying.
Where have you been? I thought I knew you, but you removed the cloth and pushed your fingers in the wounds, too.
I'll hold your head underwater until you stop kicking and fighting.
I'll hold your face in the fire until you seize up and succumb to the flame.
Please believe that this is for you, please believe.
I hope that they take their time dragging that river.
Understand, I hope that they take their time sifting through the ashes and here's what they'll find:
You're not like me, no, you're still dreaming.
Well I tried, but you see my ideal bed is two feet wide and six feet deep.
On and on until the weight crashes down.
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3. |
Meat
04:09
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I am exactly like the bull in the china shop, or is it the pig in shit?
They all stood and watched as I was dragged to the back of the butcher's shop, and I screamed "Remember me!"
I whimpered as the mallet cracked my skull and I winced as I saw my blood run down the wall.
Soft head,
tender, warm.
Soft head,
belly full of worms.
Soft head,
gentle dark.
Soft head,
falling apart.
When they split me open, when they serve me up, when the rest all start eating I'll turn their stomachs just as well and I will force my way out.
When all is said and done at the end of the day, I'll wave "goodbye" with my severed hand and watch you walk away.
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4. |
Recreant
04:59
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You finally ripped the bandage off.
It pulled off the scab and blood drips to the floor, some detective trace to nowhere, the blade of a knife, or the edge of a bridge.
I'm forcing myself awake, day by day. Life goes on as the colors drain.
I'm speaking from experience: down the street, not across.
Across the street is where the cowards live in hospital beds with bellies full of pills.
I'm speaking from experience: take more than you think.
The charcoal tastes like shit, not to mention the tubes in your stomach.
Or, think one thousand four hundred and ninety six feet.
I'll be laughing all the way to the ground as life goes on around me.
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5. |
Whimper
07:17
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I'll give you some time to let you run as far and as fast as you can away from here.
I'll let you run before the rot starts to seep in.
I'll let you run while you can, then I'll chase you down with an axe in my hands.
You can't stop me now, I'm coming and I hope you understand that I am still that black hole and I'm pulling you in.
I am that black hole until the end.
Not long now, did you think that you were safe?
Not long now, can you feel the wind from the axe?
I'll swing as hard as I can as I aim for the back of your head.
You know all the answers like the back of your hand.
I won't be forgiven, I'll burn just like you said.
And you know all the answers like the back of your hand.
I won't be forgiven, I'll burn until the end.
Not like a martyr, not like a saint, but like a dog who eats his own shit.
And the axe comes down, swinging overhead.
And the axe comes down, again and again.
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6. |
Parasite
05:58
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It's like a hot cup of coffee spilled into your lap.
(Can you feel it in the air? It's like a parasite.)
The skin bubbles and boils.
The skin blisters and melts away and you feel like you have been here before a million years ago, watching the cars pass by down below.
Yeah, you have been here many times, searching for something you can't find but you know that it is there, so you dig deep and you keep searching now you're looking down, reaching out and trying to remember how it feels.
Faster now, closing in and you're trying to remember how it feels to not want to die.
One day I'll make that trek.
There will be no looking back.
It's over, it's done.
Ninety three million miles straight into the sun.
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7. |
Dog
05:30
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I want to watch myself drown, struggling for air, see my face turning blue, watch my fingers grasp for aid from ghosts who don't care about me.
I want to spit in my own face and break my own arms, slam my head into a wall, bite the curb and knock out the rest of my teeth.
"Oh you whiny fucking baby."
Do you remember being strong?
Neither do I.
But I'm sure you'll tell everyone just how depressed you are.
But will you tell everyone about what a bad person you are?
"(Emotionally) Crippled, selfish fuck.
You'll never be enough.
Pathetic, desperate fuck, you'll never be half as good enough."
You're a wriggling worm when it rains, too stupid to drown, you keep your head above the water.
You're a fucking dog who deserves all his shame.
You bite the hand that feeds you and wonder why you're starving.
You'll never be okay.
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8. |
Safety
04:21
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I have been driving without a seat-belt lately, trying to tempt fate as if she were a desperate whore.
But, I digress.
Yeah, I should know better by now.
You think I would, but here I am jumping over fire with gasoline covering my feet.
I want to know how gun metal feels inside of my mouth.
I want to reach inside and pull my brains out.
I'm crying wolf in the yard as they tear me apart.
I feel them rip at my skin and wake up just to do it all again.
I want to know how gun metal tastes.
Cold and hard, then warm and safe.
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9. |
Finality
05:07
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There's a wavering, radiant light at the end of the tunnel.
It flickers and sparks like the muzzle of a gun firing into the head of a child.
There is a fire where you're going.
There is a fire that won't stop burning.
Like a chipped tooth that cuts your lip, chipped tooth that slices your tongue.
An unfamiliar feeling that you file down and eventually forget.
There's a hole in the pit of my stomach.
I can think of three hundred and two different ways to fill the void.
I'm lost like a shell deep in the ocean, washed up with the sand when the tide rolls in.
There's a wavering light at the end of the tunnel.
By the time I catch up, it will be gone.
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10. |
Grave
04:22
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Have you eaten dirt today, little worm?
Choked it down your little throat?
Ugly little thing, pathetic and squirming.
Ugly little thing, yes you are.
But what reason does anybody have to care?
You dug a little grave and crawled inside.
Now you're laying there waiting to die.
How long will you lay there waiting to die?
Squalling baby laying in your filth, unwanted and disgusting.
Choking yourself to death with the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck.
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11. |
Atrophy
07:44
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There's not much left to salvage when the flames were burning so hot.
A few teeth, some burnt hair, memories of a past life that were something they're not.
Close your eyes, hold on tight, then let go.
A time and a place you wish you never were, holding onto things you can't change, knowing it will never be the same.
A time and a place you wish you never were.
Wasting life on desperate pleas, but still, I hope that you would tend the flowers on my grave.
Wishing you weren't, knowing you will never be whole again.
Wishing you were, knowing you will never be whole.
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Jorne Frostburg, Maryland
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